Book Review: The Well-Behaved Child by John Rosemond

In a time when many parents refuse to discipline their children, it is refreshing to read the words of Psychologist and author John Rosemond:

I think it is nothing short of tragic that American parents are seeking professional help for child-rearing problems in greater and greater numbers every year, which is not to say that professional help is never warranted. I am convinced, however, that the overwhelming majority of the problems in question could have been resolved ... with proper use of some good, old-fashioned, creative discipline.

Rosemond's recurring theme in The Well-Behaved Child: Discipline that Really Works! is that far too many children are mis-diagnosed with an alphabet of disorders that he has seen "cured" by the creative use of such discipline tools as

• Tickets
• Strikes
• Report Cards
• Charts
• and more... .

By actually getting involved in their children's lives rather than letting them run wild and rule the roost, nearly all of the parents who have contacted John Rosemond for assistance with discipline issues have successfully avoided the diagnoses of ADHD, ADD, OCD, ODD, etc., and furthermore prevented their children from being put on medicine regimens that would only exacerbate the problem.

As I first dug into Rosemond's The Well-Behaved Child: Discipline that Really Works!, both my wife and I were concerned that our "strong-willed child" (not a term Rosemond uses, but one of another child expert), I found it refreshing to read some of the many ways Rosemond suggests parents deal with their troubled tots -- from toddler to teen. In fact, without even implementing any of Rosemond's disciplinary methods, our son has already begun to be a better behaved, happier child.

One evening, sitting at the family dinner table and explaining to my wife Rosemond's chart method, my son -- who was sitting at the table with us and within clear earshot -- quickly decided he didn't like what he was hearing. He immediately made it known that he wouldn't like the results of misbehavior that the Chart plan would include, to which I responded that if he behaved he would not have to worry about them. He hasn't become a perfectly-behaved child, of course, but he has certainly dropped many of the undesirable behaviors that drove me to read the book in the first place.

It is my contention -- and the author's as well, it seems -- that by simply reading this book and putting into practice some of the methods he describes, parents might be able to avoid the embarrassing and potentially destructive tragedy of having their child labeled with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, or one of the many other alphabet soup disorders that today's psychologists are so quick to diagnose. My point: what have you got to lose?

Your comments?

Joe

Maddy's Cancer Battle

AJA Press

Our Maddy Has Cancer

Earlier this week, I took our beloved eight-year-old (she just turned nine yesterday) Dalmatian, Maddy, to the veterinarian. She has a swelling on her right front leg that would rise and fall, and suddenly quit falling, swelling up more than ever. I posted the bad news on Twitter after delivering it to my wife: the dog who was our first child has cancer.

Canine Osteosarcoma, to be exact. From Wikipedia:

Osteosarcoma is the most common bone tumor in dogs and typically afflicts middle-age large and giant breed dogs such as Irish Wolfhounds, Greyhounds, German Shepherds, Rottweilers, Doberman Pinschers and Great Danes. It has a ten times greater incidence in dogs than humans. A hereditary base has been shown in St. Bernard dogs. Spayed/neutered dogs have twice the risk of intact ones to develop osteosarcoma.

The picture above is an X-ray of a healthy dog leg. The picture to the right is our Maddy's X-ray. In the far right of the picture of the healthy dog leg, you can see the large bone that is missing in Maddy's leg -- literally eaten away from the inside out by the cancer cells. The two bones in the healthy X-ray are the ulna and radius, though I couldn't tell you which is which. In Maddy's leg, one is completely eaten away and the other is very, very deteriorated. The large swelling, I understand, is a result of her body trying to fight the cancer.

The vet, who we have used for the first time but who came highly recommended, prescribed prednisone for her, to fight the inflammation and help relieve the pain. I'm not convinced yet that it is doing either, though all that I have read about it says that it takes several days of continuous use to have the desired effect. So far, it seems to have only succeeded in causing her to be more thirsty and urinate more.

We haven't yet decided what course of treatment to take. The doctor mentioned three options: amputation of the leg plus chemotherapy; amputation alone; pain management only. He seemed to believe that her case was too far progressed for amputation and chemotherapy to do much to prolong her life or improve the quality of what time she has left, which he says may be as little as three months or as many as six.

Again, studying the situation seems to suggest that amputation would greatly relieve her pain and improve the quality of the time she has remaining. It also seems that amputation plus chemotherapy might give her as many as four to ten months more life. However, all of the studying in the world doesn't necessarily apply to Maddy's case.

My wife and I are currently struggling with watching our Maddy. We keep hoping that she will just get better. It's hard not to do that. And we struggle with whether to try to just help her manage the pain, amputate the leg, or amputate and treat with chemotherapy. The struggle for me is that my own mother lost her fight with cancer several years ago. She started chemotherapy and ended it shortly thereafter, convinced that the treatment only made her feel worse and wouldn't prolong her life or add any quality to it. Reports suggest that chemotherapy in dogs does not have the same dramatic side effects as it has in people. I just don't know.

What I do know is that we love our dog, and we don't want to lose her. But we also have faith in God, and know that everything that happens is for His purpose. Sometimes, though, it's hard to accept that His purpose might mean taking away a loved one, like our Maddy.

Yesterday was her ninth birthday. She's been with us since she was six weeks old, long before either of our children were born. We had a birthday party for her today, and pampered and spoiled her. She had a hot dog to eat, plus two new hot dog squeaky toys. She had several doggie cookies, and one real cupcake, which she absolutely loved.

Tomorrow, I'll be speaking with the vet again about his thoughts on amputation, chemotherapy, or just pain management. I just need to make sure that whatever decision we make, we are making as informed a decision as possible. I need to make sure that we aren't making a selfish decision. I don't want to prolong her life just to keep her with us longer if it will be a miserable life for her. But I don't want to just manage the pain if more aggressive treatment might add some quality months or years to her life. It won't be an easy decision to make, whatever we decide. I just wish Maddy could tell us what she would choose.

Your comments?

Joe


Maddy's Cancer Battle

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Life's Greatest Achievement

My little girl is two-and-a-half years old, and she just loves her Daddy so much. I feel so blessed to have two wonderful children.

One day last week I asked my daughter to pick up my slippers by the side of my bed and bring them to me. She didn't understand what slippers were, so I told her that they looked like shoes. She grabbed them and brought them to me.

The next day, after I got home from work, my daugther walked up to me holding my slippers out and said, "Here, Daddy." My heart melted. Literally, I was so touched that my sweet little girl remembered that her Daddy liked to wear his slippers and relax after work. She wanted just to make her Daddy happy, and did so with such a simple gesture.

This morning, as I was sitting at the table after breakfast sending out some recruiting emails for some open management positions in one of the stores in my market, my little girl came down the stairs and walked up to me, saying, "Here, Daddy." Once again, she had my slippers in her hands, proving that this wasn't just a one time thing.

Again, my heart melted, and I asked her, "Did Mommy tell you to bring those to me, or did you do it on your own?"

She said, "Did on my own." Ouch! That's my heart melting at the thoughtfulness and love of this sweet little girl of mine. So pure and innocent, she just wanted to make her Daddy smile, and knew just how to do it. I don't know if I have ever felt more loved.

It's amazing, isn't it? The greatest achievement of my life took no training, no special skills, no work at all really. The greatest thing I have ever achieved is being a Daddy to two wonderful kids, and somehow I think that's exactly the way God had it planned.

Your comments?

Joe

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A Strong Woman

Today's Daily Soap {Scripture | Observation | Application | Prayer}

• S: Proverbs 31:1-10, 1 Peter 3:1-6
  
• O: A man is called to do many things. He is appointed to be the spiritual leader of the house, to be the breadwinner, the protector. Traditionally, anyway.
  
• A: It's sad that many women today would argue the role that a man is supposed to have in the family. Many women will tell you that the idea of the man being the spiritual leader, chief breadwinner, and protector of the family is wrong. Many women would say that's a chauvinistic attitude. That's sad, really. Because when a man is in his proper role, and a woman is in her proper role, anyone that's going to be honest with you will tell you that the woman really is the strength of a household. There is truth to the saying that behind every man is a good woman, or however that goes. In today's society, in families that take on the traditional roles, a strong woman in the household is of vital importance. I have told my wife a million times that I'm a Store Manager and she's the Home Manager. When asked by people where my wife works, I always reply that she works at home, and that her job is harder than mine. Raising two kids, maintaining the house, keeping the bills straight, and planning our activities are just a few of the many tasks on her To Do List on a regular basis. My job, though sometimes one of high stress, is basically the same old dull routine day after day. My wife is the First Responder when one of the kids gets hurt, having to take whatever action necessary to comfort and bandage as needed; she is the educator working daily to teach our son to read; she -- like my mother -- is the glue that bonds this family together. As much as I might bellyache about my job, I can truly say one thing -- in the words of Bill Cosby, I've seen my wife's job, and I don't want it!
  
• P: Lord, Thank You for the wonderful woman that shares my life. She is truly a blessing beyond that which I could ever deserve. Help me to someday be worthy of such a wonderful gift as her.
  

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Examples For Children

Today's Daily Soap {Scripture | Observation | Application | Prayer}

• S: Proverbs 24:33-34; Proverbs 4
  
• O: We must diligently live the example that we want our children to emulate.
  
• A: Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk from your lips. Let our eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil. It can be too easy at times to stray off course. While getting back on course can be done -- and sometimes easily -- when you're engaged in the process of raising children, permanent damage can be done when you allow yourself to stray. We must remember that our children are watching -- all the time. They see everything we do, all the time. They hear everything we say. And they repeat our actions. Like a little monkey-see-monkey-do, my 22-month-old daughter mimics everything she sees. Her older brother is her biggest example, and everything he does, she does. By the same token, my son has picked up all that he knows from those around him -- mostly his mother and myself. So we must at all times remember to watch our tongues, be careful what we do and say. Not that my wife and I have a problem with fowl language, but sometimes simple things like talking about a person's weight, or our opinion of something someone else may have done, can become public knowledge when our little echoes run around repeating our very words to the very people we were referring to. In addition, we must set an example in all that we do. My wife is very much frustrated with the obvious lack of modesty most people have today -- especially women. You cannot turn on the television set without exposing yourself -- and your children -- to more flesh than anyone should be subjected to outside the bedroom. But it isn't just on television. Any casual stroll through the mall, or Wal-Mart, or any other public place, puts us in a position to see more than we care to see, and much more than we want our children to see at their age. As a father and devoted husband, I must constantly be averting my attention from whatever the next indecent exposure will be. And I must virtually predict what's coming up and where, so I can avert my attention in advance. I want to model the right behavior for my children, and to openly display for all to see that my wife is the only woman that I have any desire for. Not only must my son see that it's not right to exploit women, my daughter must also see that there is nothing attractive in that type of behavior so that she won't feel compelled to model it herself some day. And teaching those things to them must begin at a very early age. All it takes to throw these young impressionable minds off course is for me to falter in my step for just a moment.
  
• P: Lord, help me to lead by example in all that I do and say. Help me to keep my feet on the right path and to show my children -- through words and actions -- what is right and what is wrong. Guide me down the path, Lord, that I may guide my children well.
  

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