Missed Opportunities

About two months ago, one of the Store Managers in my group decided to leave the company for another opportunity. The District Manager announced this to the group on a conference call on the last day of this Manager's employment. I called the District Manager after the call to ask him about his plans for replacing the departing Store Manager. I currently commute two hours each way five days a week, and the store with the newly-vacated position would put me a full hour closer to home, cutting my commute time in half. I was extremely disappointed to learn that my District Manager was already in the process of hiring a replacement for the departing Manager. "You could have moved me closer to home," I said. He replied, "I didn't realize that would be closer for you."

I felt slighted, disappointed, passed over, neglected -- a whole slew of emotions. I told him that I would be happy to consider one of three other stores that would put me considerably closer to home. "We'll see what happens with this new guy," he said, indicating that he might not work out and I might get the closer store after all.

A week later, while the District Manager was at my store for a visit, the newly-departed Manager called my store to speak with him. I answered the call. Jokingly, I said, "He's not going to let you come back." He answered, "I'm already back." When I asked where, he said he was at the same store he had been in before.

Last night I went to a meeting of five of the stores in my District. While there, I learned that another store in the market had an open Store Manager position. When I inquired about it, I learned that the Manager who had quit and returned just two months earlier was transferring to the now-vacant store. I also met the newly hired Manager to assume responsibility for his store.

Yes, I'm quite ticked off. I won't rant about it, though. I just needed to get it off my chest.

Joe

A Fresh Clean Start

I have worn facial hair in some form or other since leaving the military thirteen years ago. Most often a goatee, but sometimes a full beard and, for a very short time, just a mustache. I wore a goatee when I met my wife eight years ago, and it was a shocker for her today when I shaved my face clean. Even though I told her it was coming. I guess she didn't believe me.

Lately, when kissing my little boy (2 years 9 months old) goodnight, he has pointed at my hairy chin and said, "Hurts real bad." Earlier today when I asked him for a kiss he turned his head and repeated, "Hurts real bad." Heartbroken, I was determined to put an end to that.

I came into the house when we got home, went straight to my bathroom while my wife fixed lunch, and shaved my face clean. When I next kissed my son, he said, "Feels better." That made me feel better, too.

My wife, on the other hand, hates it. She says I look funny without it because I have no upper lip. She says kissing me feels like she's kissing someone else. I guess you can't please everyone all the time.

Joe

President Bush's Weekly Radio Address

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In his weekly radio address President Bush said, "A line-item veto would give the President a way to insist on greater discipline in the budget. A line-item veto would reduce the incentive for Congress to spend wastefully because when lawmakers know their pet projects will be held up to public scrutiny, they will be less likely to suggest them in the first place. Most importantly, a line-item veto would benefit American taxpayers by ensuring greater respect for their hard-earned dollars."

Wanting to Rant

I feel like there's a rant inside me, just waiting to get out, but I don't know what it is. Like I'd feel a little better if I could just go postal in writing. But I don't know what to go postal about. Does that make any sense? Does it sound terrible?

It does sound therapeutic, I'll say that much. I've been a little out of touch with the news over the past week, so there's nothing jumping out at me to rant about. Got any ideas? Email me.

Joe

President Bush's Weekly Radio Address

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In his weekly radio address President Bush said, "I traveled to Baghdad to personally show our Nation's commitment to a free Iraq, because it is vital for the Iraqi people to know with certainty that America will not abandon them after we have come this far. The challenges that remain in Iraq are serious. ... But our efforts in Iraq are well worth it, the mission is necessary for the security of our country, and we will succeed."

An Open Apology To My Wife

I've been a pretty bad guy, as husbands go. Oh, there are worse, of course (maybe not if you ask my wife), but I've been far worse than I ever intended to be.

You see, I lied. I have deceived my wife about some people that work in my store (I'm a Retail Manager). I have led her to believe that they are there much less often than they actually are, that they are never in the building when I am, and that they play very minor roles in the business.

In actuality, they are both full-time employees, and one is an Assistant Manager, and they are scheduled in the building sometimes when I am.

I did not lie for any real reason. There's nothing going on that a married man would need to cover up -- no relationship of any kind -- and there is no sane justification for my deception.

Quite simply, my wife would be (is) uncomfortable with me working around these people, and that's why I lied.

I guess I first lied to myself by thinking I could justify and carry on such deception. Then I committed the (hopefully not) unforgiveable sin of compromising my wife's trust in me by intentionally deceiving her. I told myself that I was sparing her the discomfort and preventing the inevitable arguments we would have had about it. I sacrificed what's important in the long run -- a happy, loving, trusting wife with a happy home life -- for what I thought was important now -- preventing small arguments.

That all probably sounds reasonable to a liar, and it did to me, too, for a while, but I'm here to say that there is never an acceptable reason to deceive the people you love. Thou shalt not lie, the Bible says. How about, Thou shalt not be a senseless, thoughtless fool.

To further complicate things, I did something similar before -- for the same foolish reasons -- and swore that I would never do it again. I kept my word, too, for a while.

Then I started a new job with a new company and was placed in a store two hours from home. When there were people here that I knew would create an uncomfortable situation, I worried. I knew that nothing inappropriate would happen, but I also knew that my beautiful wife would be uncomfortable about the situation and it could cause strains at home. So I downplayed the whole situation. And to add insult to injury, when my wife questioned me about it, I said, "You just need to trust me, I'm not lying to you." Another lie, but worse -- it made her feel like she was wrong to question me about it.

I struggled with this web of deceipt continuously, but you know what? It's not really about me, how I felt, or what I struggled with. I am totally unimportant right now.

It's all about the love of my life: the beautiful redhead, loving mother of two, intelligent and caring woman who stole my heart away eight years ago. It's all about the pain I caused her, and the trust I can only hope to regain someday. It's all about coming clean and being open with her. It's all about Why the heck did I do this to her, what was I thinking, and how in the world will I ever make it up to her?

I don't expect to fix the problem by voicing it here. This is really just a public atonement for this horrible sin I've committed against the woman I love. My only hope in sharing this here is that maybe my wife will see how sincerely sorry I am for what I did and how it hurt her. Maybe she'll see that I do understand that I've done wrong, that I know it hurt her, and that there is no describing how bad I feel for what I've done.

When I left the house for work this morning, my wife said, "I don't want to talk to you today. Don't call me." I wanted to cry. Even now I feel a terrible emptiness inside that only her voice can fill.

I deserve it. I deserve all of the anger and hate that she lashes out at me. I deserve the cold looks and the harsh words. I deserve so much more than that.

What I probably don't deserve is forgiveness. But I'm praying for it anyway. Not just forgiveness from God for the sin of lying, but also forgiveness from my wife for the sin of violating her trust. I don't expect it to come easily -- I don't know if it ever will come at all -- but I have never been more regretful for doing anything in the past than I am for deceiving the woman I love -- the woman around whom my world revolves.

I'm sorry, my love. Please, be graceful, and find it in your heart to forgive me. Somehow. Some day.

I love you.

Joe

Flag Day

Today is Flag Day in the United States. Flag Day is a day for all Americans to celebrate and show respect for our flag, its designers and makers. I've heard people say that the flag is just an object and doesn't deserve any special recognition. Our flag is a symbol. And where would we be without symbols?

The almighty dollar is just a symbol of a gold standard that no longer exists. Yet we still exchange and measure wealth in how many dollars one possesses.

The Constitution and Declaration of Independence are just symbols of the freedom of our great nation. Yet without those great symbols, would we still be a territory of Mother England?

The cross is a symbol of Christ's sacrifice to save us from hell. Without that symbol, there would be no salvation.

Our flag is representative of our independence and our unity as a nation.....one nation, under God, indivisible. Our flag has a proud and glorious history. It was at the lead of every battle fought by Americans. Many people have died protecting it. It even stands proudly on the surface of the moon.

As Americans, we have every right to be proud of our culture, our nation, and our flag. So raise the flag today and every day with pride!

Joe